Jesus Talks With a Gay Man

Jesus
Talks With A Gay Man A Retelling of the parable, Jesus talks with a Samaritan Women, adapted from something I found online.



 

1 In late July, the Chicago Presbytery heard that Jesus was attracting more
new members and baptizing more adults than any other PC(USA) pastor in the
city, 2 although in fact it was not really Jesus who had baptized them, but his
deacons. 3 Now when Jesus learned of this, he left his church campus and went
back once more toward the Presbytery’s headquarters on Higgins Road.

4 Now to
get there, he had to go through an area just north of downtown called Boystown.
5 So he came to a part of Boystown called Nottlesworth, not far from the Cub’s
stadium. 6 A snack vendor was near there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the
journey on the Metro, sat down at a sidewalk café table outside the bar called
Hydrate. It was just about lunch-time, and though the rainbow flags were
fluttering in the breeze and the music inside the bar was pumping, there
weren’t many people around (because it’s often hot and miserable outside, at
mid-day in late July, in Chicago).

7 A waiter came to the table, wearing a
bright pink “His+His” t-shirt and a “equality sign”
armband, and raised one eyebrow at the man seated at the table in front of him
in the “I Am the Way the Truth and the Life”” t-shirt. Jesus said to
him, “Will you give me a drink?” 8 (All those who were with Jesus had
gone down the street to grab some coffee for the rest of the journey.)

9 The
gay man said to Jesus, “Hey…you tell me. After all, you appear to be a straight Christian, and I’m a
gay man. Let’s face it – we don’t get many religious folks in Boystown, let alone places like this.  And I’m not only a gay man, but
I’m a Muslim gay man. So where does a guy like you get off asking someone like me for a drink?” (For Christians do
not associate with gays, nor with Muslims if they can help it.)

10 Jesus
answered him, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for
a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living
water.”

11 “Hey, dude,” the gay man said, “I’m the waiter here. It’s flattering that
you want to get me a drink, but it’s not how it works, and you are one of those
Christians. And where can you get this living water? 12 You think you’re
something, huh? The owners of this place are the wealthiest guys in town, and
they don’t even give us free drinks. 
13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who
drinks your water, or soda, or beer will get thirsty again, 14 but whoever
drinks the water I give to them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give to
them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

15
The gay man said to him, “Yeah? Um….you know what, I have no idea who you are, or even what the hell
you’re talking about….But you’re the first Christian man in 20 years that
hasn’t spit on me, or called me ‘an abomination’ to my face. What is this water
you keep talking about? Maybe if I had some of that,  I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here every night
to drink and party. It’s really getting old.”

16 Jesus told the man,
“OK – just call your wife and come back here, and we’ll talk.”

17
“Who are you kidding?” the gay man said. “Don’t you know where you are?  You’re in Boystown, man!  I don’t have a wife,
or a girlfriend.  Man, right now I don’t even have a boyfriend,” he replied.

Jesus said to him,
“You’re right when you say you have no boyfriend. The fact is, you’ve had five
boyfriends, and the guy you’re living with now isn’t even your boyfriend.  He’s just some guy you picked up
in the club – some guy who doesn’t even know your real name.”

19 Whoah,
buddy,” the man said, “that’s pretty intense! How’d you know all that
about me?” Jesus was silent. “OK…I get it. Maybe you’re one of
those guys who can see right through people – maybe one of those guys with
‘second sight.’ Maybe you ‘have the Spirit,’ like you say. 20 I don’t know anything
about all that Christian stuff. My people think that you have to pray five
times a day to get that kind of power. The rest of the people I know don’t even
bother with religion. And all the Christians I’ve met think that I have to pray
their way, and start living life their way, or I’m ‘going to hell.’ Either way,
my day-to-day life is so empty, I’m not convinced that I’m not already in hell.  What’s a guy supposed to
believe?”

21 Jesus said, “Believe me, my friend, a time is coming
when you won’t worship God in Mecca or in a mosque, or in a church, nor will
you need to find fulfillment in a club. 22 People worship what they think is
true, but what is true? 23 A time is coming – and has now come – when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father
seeks. 24 God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in
truth.”

25 The gay man said, “I know that you Christians say your
Savior is coming. Maybe when god finally gets here, god will help us
understand.”

26 Then Jesus declared, “Then wait no longer. I’m the
one they’re waiting for.”
 27 Just then those who had been with Jesus
returned and were more than a little surprised to find Jesus talking to a gay
man – one who appeared to be Middle-Eastern in origin. But no one asked,
“What do you want?” or “Why are you talking with him?”

28 Then, leaving his tray and
his order pad behind at the table, the gay man went back into the bar and said
to some of his friends, 29 “You gotta come and meet this guy… he’s a Christian, but he’s really nice. And he didn’t
condemn me for being gay. Could this possibly be ‘the Christ’ all those
religious people keep talking about?” 30 The waiter’s friends cam out of
the bar and made their way toward him.

31 Meanwhile those who were with Jesus
saying, “You still haven’t eaten and we are in a rush. Let’s go get some
food somewhere else.”
32 But Jesus said to them, “I have a source of energy that you know
nothing about.”

33 Then his disciples said to each other, “I wonder
if he packed a lunch?”
….
Many Gays and Lesbians Believe

39 Many of the gays and lesbians who
gathered from all around Boystown believed in Jesus because of what the waiter
said. 40 So when the people of that area – gay men, lesbians, bisexuals (even
people in civil unions from Vermont and Episcopalians visiting from New
Hampshire) came to him, they urged Jesus to stay with them. So rather than
continuing the ride out to Higgins Road, Jesus disciples found some rooms at a
nearby bed-&-breakfast, and he stayed in Boystown – amidst the people with
whom most Christians would not associate. 41 And because of what Jesus spoke to
the men and women there, many more believed.

42 The people who heard Jesus
said to the gay man who first encountered him, “We no longer believe just
because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that
this man really is the Savior of the world.”